The Whiskey Rebellion Was Fought Over This

It turns out $6.49 for Haller's Whiskey is before tax, which is $0.39 in PA. I get Fleischmann's for $6.50 total, so I win.

The Whiskey Rebellion happened near Pittsburgh, by the way. If I ever invent a distillery, I'm going to make it in Pittsburgh and dub it Rebellion Whiskey.

Vodka's getting pricier

At BQE Liquors, the price of my Seagram's vodka went up $1 to $16.53. Now the dignity premium* I pay for the smooth vodka in the bumpy bottle is $3.

Fleischmann's whiskey is still $6/bottle.

*The dignity premium is how much extra I pay to have a jug of vodka that isn't in a plastic jug that I can share with guests with dignity. My dignity. I assume my guests intend to lose theirs if they're guzzling vodka.

Question Time

At the same time, people have sought my grocery expertise. Maybe expertise is too strong a word. People have sought my grocery opinion. Since there is little in this world I like more than advising people about groceries, without further ado, let me opine.

I'm working on building up my whiskey inventory, but it's hard because I keep drinking it. any advice? -Tom

For everything that isn't liquor, I always say "inventory is death." Because you want to let the store keep your inventory for you. Liquor is another matter, and I actually have a system for building inventory that my friend Eric has started to use. You have to give yourself a liquor budget. Don't think of this as a budget you want to come in under. Pretend you're a local government and need to pave the roads, but you're a lot more fun. So if your budget is $30 a week, make sure you get yourself to the liquor store every Saturday morning and spend that $30. Being poor for so long, my liquor budget is down to $20/week. If I don't have them, I buy a jug of the cheapest vodka ($13.88) and a bottle of the cheapest whiskey $5.99. If I drink them over the course of the week, I buy them again. If I still have them come Friday, I venture for something more fun. When I came into some surprise money from Chase Freedom giving me it, I bought a jug of gin and some bitters. If I keep to my bottle/week pace, that should permanently add 1 bottle to my inventory. (It didn't. I reacted to having more booze by inviting people to come drink it more.)

But really, if you're drinking whiskey you like, that's a good problem to have.

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Dear Grocery Chopin,

I was recently in a convenience type grocery store to pick up a few things. A half gallon of regular milk was $2.99 which was more than I would have paid at the regular grocery store. A half gallon of organic milk however was $4.49 which is the right price for organic. Is buying higher quality (more expensive) groceries at their correct price better than buying regular groceries at an inflated (but still cheaper) price?

Sincerely,
Milk Man

Oh that's a tough one! It's going to take me a minute to get into a mindset that allows one to not buy something for only the best price or to suffer. I have to say that buying groceries at their correct price is the correct way. While I like paying very little for groceries, what I really advocate is getting good values. I wouldn't tell you to substitute olive oil with vegetable oil spread just because it's cheaper. If I were in C-Town, I would tell you to get the regular milk, but I am skeptical of bodega's attention to milk freshness, so I think going for the ultrapasteurized organic milk is a wise choice.

That was fun. I miss giving advice. I used to be pretty prolific when I wrote for Eleanor Roosevelt.

Raw Meat

Western Beef has sirloin steak on sale for $2.98/lb. They say it's a family pack, so if I have to buy 10 lbs I won't do this. But would anyone like to eat my raw meat? I have been in the mood for raw meat for a while now, and that's a really good beef price.

I have the $6 bottle of whiskey that probably kills any germs anyway.

BQE Liquors Always Treats Me Right

Like at Associated, I am the mayor of BQE Wines & Liquors at Foursquare. I don't think they know that, but they always are so kind to me. Today the lady untied the knot of my bag, loaded up my boozes, then retied it. It was the retying that impressed me.

Since Chase gave me $100 to get their credit card, I've been perusing those booze shelves even more thoroughly. Today I found Evan Williams Honey. $9.97 isn't bad for a bottle of something that's 35% alcohol and the quality of Evil Willy. I debated it for a while, but it seems like the kind of liquor I could talk someone else into buying and letting me try if I speak highly enough of it for a while. I also considered $9.99 for the 750ml brand of brandy I dislike. (I like E&J VSOP, for the record) and some $11 1L Montezuma tequila. But people like tequila, and I'm trying to spend my free $100 on rebuilding my inventory, so that means I can only get gross things. I got a $10 bottle of J.W. Scotch. If it tastes like I hope, it will evoke the flavor memories of brown Listerine in anyone bold enough to try it.

I also found something I can't pronounce and have never seen, but it was in the vodka section.

I like orange. I like cloves. I like things that cost $12.86. But like the Evil Willy Honey, I bet someone else will buy this--namely, my brother. Right next to it was orange and mint, which he also might buy. Based on the neighborhood and that L with a line, I reckon it's Polish.

I ended up with 1.75L of Georgi vodka, which tied my 3-way taste test with Tito's and Ketel One, 2 bottles of Fleischman's whiskey ($5.97 each), and that scotch. Fleischman's is what I call smiling whiskey, because your wallet smiles when you buy it and you smile after you finish a glass. (You wince when you start a glass, but you get over it.)